here you go my first attempt at some form of fan fiction.
Bert only wanted it to be a show, something on stage, something for the cameras; however his mind had other thoughts on that. For a long time he kidded himself with the notation that it was for fun, it meant nothing. But since his escapade with Gerard, he wondered.
Something was stirred, something completely new a feeling he never had before. His boy kissing moments where well publicized however, he had said time and time again it was only for fun. “Yes” he thought to himself,” Jeph and Quinn where fun, but they are my friends. Friends. Now he, He was different.”
He needed someone else like that; someone else that kept him up all night better than any form of chemical substance he abused his body with. He was still bitter about the whole affair. He sighed quietly so nobody heard and lit up a cigarette, inhaling the addiction with every breath.
“Fuck!” he screamed, looking around for anything to take his mind of his depressing mind set. His feet crunched over a selection of bottles. Empty. Of course.
As he took in the last of the smoky air he looked around him; it was almost morning, almost time to face the world with the madness that he oozed. Nobody knew how much he was hurting and Bert wasn’t about to change all of that. He gazed into the mirror and had the strangest urge to smash it, instead of this he thought of something easier; less painful and quicker to take out his disappointment.
He stubbed out the end of cigarette on his arm while biting his lip in pain. He almost thought nothing of it. It was almost natural. It was almost like that didn’t matter, he was sure he next hit he wouldn’t feel doing it. In a strange way, he liked pain. It was almost a thrill. “I will remember this” he though.
He collapsed on to his bed, still fully clothed, his eyelids closed and he drifted off to sleep quietly wishing he would not wake up, ever again.